Ep. 61 - For Spouses and Family: Taking Back Your Power With Gambling Debt
When spouses and family members learn about a gambling problem, money issues come into the open. Often this involves debt. At the time, it feels overwhelming and emotional. Typically people don’t know what to do. There is often a reflex to pay things off quickly.
In episode 61 of our podcast, Fold em: Help for Gambling Problems, we offer guidance for spouses, family members and the person who has gambled about initial steps to take when addressing the financial impact of gambling. Why is it helpful to get this guidance? Because in the long-run you will likely be better off for it. By slowing things down and finding ways to talk openly about money and gambling issues, learning about everyone’s rights and responsibility in the situation, as well as different solutions available, you are more likely to prevent this from happening again and to have a fresh start with handling money and gambling.
You get to hear from someone with so much experience on this topic. Margaret Johnson is President of Solutions Credit Counselling Services and an Accredited Insolvency Counsellor with thirty years experience helping people overcome debt.
Tune in and hear about:
First steps spouses can take after finding out about gambling debt
How to move forward, whether you intend to stay in the relationship or separate
How to get a clear picture of the financial situation, regain control of family finances, and protect your own and the household’s financial security
What to consider if you are thinking of using family finances to pay off gambling debt
Listen now to episode 61 of Fold em by clicking on the green play button at the top of the blog.
If you prefer to tune in directly from Apple Podcasts or Google Podcasts, click on the red “Listen and Subscribe” button below.
Dealing with gambling debt is scary.
But, you can come out the other side feeling better about how you handle money in your relationship.
I Just Found Out About My Spouse’s Gambling Debt. Now What?
In this episode of Fold em, we hear from Margaret Johnson, who has been educating and guiding people through debt for more than thirty years. She understands the shock when a spouse finds out not only about a gambling problem, but also the financial impact of this. She also understands that it is extremely difficult for the person who gambled to face this financial impact and be open about it.
Margaret offers three general recommendations for regaining control of the financial situation and moving forward - whether you are staying in the relationship or plan on separating. She also offers many ideas for next steps to take. Some of these are listed below. Many more are shared in the interview.
Next Steps After Finding Out About Gambling Debt:
1. PROTECT YOUR/THE FAMILY’S FINANCIAL INTERESTS:
Although emotions will be strong, think of yourself as the manager of your household or family’s business. When a crisis hits, it helps to be able to put the emotions aside for now and do what is needed to protect your/the family’s financial security.
This could include:
Take over managing finances, e.g. paying bills, holding or monitoring credit and debit cards. This is an important short-term step to get a clearer financial picture and regain control.
Open a separate account: if you have had joint accounts, open a separate account with a new banking institution in your name and have your income sent there and request that your spouse transfer money for household expenses into this account.
Gather important financial documents: get copies of mortgage and loan documents, bank account and tax information. This will help you to get a clearer picture of the financial situation. You will also need these when consulting with professionals in the future.
If Separating - Protect Yourself From Future Debt: speak to a lawyer about getting a separation agreement in place and put a note on your credit bureau files indicating that you are not responsible for any future debt.
2. GET A CLEAR PICTURE OF THE FINANCIAL SITUATION:
Before jumping in to “fix it” mode, you and the person who gambled need to be clear about the financial picture and your intentions going forward.
This includes obtaining:
A List of All Money Owing: write out (using paper and pen) a detailed list of all money owed, including all institutions (credit cards, pay day loan companies, lines of credit, advance on pay from an employer) and people (family and friends), as well as bills that you are behind in paying. Clarify whose name is on the debt and when it was incurred.
Obtain Copies of Credit Bureau Reports: these will detail money owed to institutions. It’s important to get reports from all credit bureaus (In Canada this is Equifax and TransUnion. In the United States, this is Equifax, TransUnion and Experian)
Ask Yourself Some Key Questions: Get clear on what you want to see a year from now. Perhaps your hope is that gambling doesn’t get out of control again or that you handle money more openly in your relationship. This clarity will help discussions going forward.
3. GET GUIDANCE FROM PROFESSIONALS:
Be careful of assuming that you know the right or only path forward. Also, don’t let shame or anxiety get in the way of consulting with people who can help you. This is a new financial situation for your relationship and household and it is important to learn and look at options.
Here’s who you can speak to:
A Lawyer: Most financial professionals will have other interests to consider, but a lawyer is the one professional who will focus on your specific interests in your specific situation. This might be a Family Lawyer or Insovency Lawyer. Often you can access a free consultation through a pro-bono clinic or lawyer referral service.
Credit Counsellors and Insolvency Trustees: These professionals will look at your particular financial situation and let you know whether you are eligible for program that can reduce or eliminate debt and explain the process involved. Free consultations are typicall provided. Make sure that both of you attend these meetings and take notes. Consult with more than one debt expert. The more information you get the easier it will be to make decisions.
How Do I Protect Myself and Our Household From Future Gambling Debt?
In this episode of Fold em, Margaret Johnson tells us that dealing with current gambling debt should also include developing a plan to prevent this from happening again. You can’t guarantee that a gambling relapse won’t occur, but you can set things up so relapses will be visible sooner and that the family finances are better protected from any new debt.
Margaret recommends that couples and families strive to move forward with openness and transparency about finances and that everyone involved is treated with respect. This means that the person who gambled still has a say in financial decisions and is treated like an adult with increasing access to money, but in a way that helps them to manage risk of a relapse.
Here’s Margaret’s strategies for protecting a household from future debt:
1. TRANSPARENT AND COLLABORATIVE FINANCIAL MANAGEMENT:
Weekly Financial Review: Although one person may take the lead with managing finances (e.g. paying bills) ensure that you both are regularly reviewing accounts together and making decisions about spending, debt payment and saving. This helps you both to take responsibility and feel in control.
Register for a Credit Monitoring Program with all of the Credit Bureaus: Sign up with each credit rating agency to be notified when there is a change in the credit report including requests for new or higher credit. This openess about credit can be reassuring.
2. OPEN COMMUNICATION AND INPUT ABOUT MONEY MATTERS:
Clear Rules and Guidelines: After getting a clear picture of the financial situation, decide who is responsible for paying for what going forward and what will happen if that gets off track, e.g. if debt or bill payments stop. If family money is used to pay down debt, clarify what will happen if there is new, additional debt in the future.
Get Help With Talking About Money: Money and gambling are highly emotional topics and can be hard to discuss at the best of times. Gambling losses bring up embarassment which makes it hard to be transparent. If you’re having a hard time talking, get shelp from a counsellor. Or perhaps meeting with the credit counsellor or insolvency trustee can provide a place for hard to talk about topics to come out into the open.
To hear more from Margaret Johnson about regaining control and moving forward in relationships after learning about gambling debt, listen to episode 61 of Fold em. She talks about considerations if family is considering paying down debt. Listen now by clicking on the green play button at the top of this blog or the red Listen Now button below.
What Resources are Available to Help With Gambling Debt?
In British Columbia:
To access a free 15-minute legal consultation, contact the Access Pro Bono Clinic.
In Canada:
The Federal Government has a list of credit counselling services. Click here to find out more.
The Federal Government also has a list of Licensed Insolvency Trustees. Click here to find out more.
If you would like to connect with Margaret Johnson, reach out to Solutions Credit Counselling, Inc.
What Support is Available to Help Me or a Loved One With Gambling Concerns?
For Residents of British Columbia:
Gambling Support BC
If you live in British Columbia, you can connect with Gambling Outreach Support anytime. To do so, click on the red “Connect with Support in BC” button below. Or, go to the Gambling Support BC website. You can also access these services through the Gambling Support Line. It is available 24/7 at 1-888-795-6111.
Gambling Support BC services are available to any British Columbia resident experiencing problems from gambling. You don’t need to stop or quit gambling or be self-excluded to access these free supports.
Our counselling and outreach services can help you figure out how to manage gambling concerns, including how to control or stop gambling. You decide what will work for you.
You can talk to an outreach support person about next steps for yourself if you aren’t wanting counselling. They can help you find self-help resources or local community resources and make a plan that meets you where you are at.
Outside of British Columbia
Canada: www.gamblingguidelines.ca/getting-help
United States: National Council on Problem Gambling
United Kingdom: GamCare
Australia: Gamblers’ Help
If you live outside of these countries, search online for “Gambling Help” in your country
Online Support and Meetings:
Gamblers Anonymous and GamAnon
GamTalk (online chat forum)
What Support is Available to Help Me or a Loved One With Mental Health Issues?
In Canada: click here
In the United States: click here
In Great Britain: click here
If you live outside of these areas, search online for “mental health help” for your country.
To learn more about gambling concerns and how to access resources and support, go to the home page of this website, click on the red “Learn More” button below, or connect with us through Facebook.
Fold em is funded by Gambling Support BC. We welcome your feedback and ideas for topics for upcoming episodes. Reach out through the Contact Us page on this website or through email at Foldempodcast@gmail.com.