Ep. 39 - I’m a Parent of Someone With a Gambling Problem. How Do I Help?
It’s hard on parents and families when an adult son or daughter is facing gambling problems. There can be urgent requests for money. Sometimes the person who gambles is clearly stressed out but isolating and not talking about what is going on.
Parents typically don’t know what is the best course of action. And, they often don’t know where to get help or are reluctant to do so. They may blame themselves and feel embarrassed to talk about the issue or decide that the gambler should get help, not them.
In episode 39 of our podcast, Fold em: Help for Gambling Problems, a mother shares what she has learned as her son dealt with a gambling addiction for the past seven years. Irene Tang, who has provided counselling to families for twenty-five years, shares strategies for moving forward.
Tune in to episode 39 to learn about:
how to respond to requests for financial help
what parents can do to support a young person with a gambling problem
how parents and families can help prevent a gambling relapse
how parents can bring down their own stress, fear and worry
supports and resources for parents impacted by gambling problems
Listen now by clicking on the green play button at the top of the blog.
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Gambling problems impact parents. And, parents can be an important part of finding solutions.
How Can Parents Help?
In this episode of Fold em, Debra talks openly about what it was like to learn of her son’s gambling problem when he was in his early twenties. She shares that it was devastating to find out that his money had been lost to gambling. At that time, she didn’t know anything about gambling addiction and wondered what she had done wrong.
Debra says that she initially reached out for family counselling, but then stopped going. She figured that it was good enough for her son to be in counselling and taking care of the problem. Seven years later, she learned that the gambling problem had not only come back but had become worse. This time, she approached things differently.
In this episode, we also hear from Irene Tang who has provided guidance to many families impacted by gambling problems.
Here’s what Debra and Irene share about what parents can do to help.
How Parents Can Help When a Son/Daughter Has a Gambling Problem:
Learn About Gambling Addiction: Why? So you know what is needed to prevent a relapse and because learning about this problem often helps to settle down those strong emotions you are feeling. It’s typical to initially react to gambling issues in black and white ways, e.g. why would you do this? why can’t you just stop? It helps to learn that it’s a complicated problem.
Get Help for Yourself and Stick With It: Why? When there is an emergency on an airplane, parents are told to put the oxygen mask on themselves first so they can help their child to put one on. You will be better able to help your son/daughter if you get guidance and support for yourself and then stick with it. Dealing with this problem is best seen as a longer term project not a quick fix.
Pause Before Offering a Financial Bail Out: Why? Although there often is a lot of pressure to fix money problems quickly, taking time to look into other options and get guidance is helpful. Quick fixes can set the stage for further relapses and fuel relationship tensions.
What Can Parents Do To Prevent a Gambling Relapse?
In episode 39 of Fold em, Debra says that years after the first crisis, she had a feeling her son was gambling again. She wishes she had asked him earlier about it. When it did come out into the open, she says she was shocked that it had progressed to a point where he stole money from the family. This experience led her to reach out for help again through counselling and Gam-Anon. Through accessing support, she has learned how she and her family can best work with her son on preventing a relapse.
Debra says that Gam-Anon and counselling have helped her to accept that her son is an adult and will make his own choices in handling a gambling problem. And, that’s it’s not helpful for her to step in to manage or “enable” this. However, what she can focus on is taking care of herself in recovery. This can have a positive impact on inviting him to take responsibility and to be open to working with her.
Here’s what Debra and Irene share about how parents can play a role in preventing a relapse.
What parents can do to prevent a gambling relapse:
Work on How You Communicate: Why? Gambling problems bring up difficult issues and the more calm and compassion you bring to a conversation, the more likely it will go well. Parents can play a role in supporting recovery and watching out for the signs of relapse. This is most effective if the person with the gambling problem asks for this and/or fully agrees.
Invite Responsibility Taking: Relapses are less likely if the person with the gambling problem takes the lead with finding solutions to gambling problems and doing what is needed to watch out for the problem coming back. Watch out for managing this for them. If they aren’t ready to take the lead, get support for yourself and remember that set backs provide opportunities for young people to learn.
Be Aware of the Risk of Relapse: Gambling problems are complicated and it’s a process to learn how to best address them. Setbacks are sometimes part of that process. Knowing this might help you to catch early warnings signs of relapses.
Here more ideas from Debra and Irene about how parents can offer support to family members dealing with gambling problems in episode 39 of Fold em.
Listen now by clicking on the green play button at the top of this blog or the red “Listen and Subscribe to Fold em” button below.
Check out other episodes of Fold em and be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss out when new ones are released.
Where Can Parents Access Support and Resources for Gambling Concerns?
Here are some options to parents wanting to access more support and resources for gambling concerns.
Gambling Support British Columbia (for BC residents) - free outreach and counselling for family and spouses impacted by a loved one’s gambling
Centre For Addiction and Mental Health (Canada): Online and Printable Self-Help for Family and Friends
Better Health Channel (Australia): Online information and resources for parents
How to Connect With Support and Counselling in British Columbia?
If you live in British Columbia and would like to learn more about free, confidential support and counselling services from Gambling Support BC, click on the red “Connect with Support in BC” button below. Or, go to the Gambling Support BC website. You can also access our services through the Gambling Support Line. It is available 24/7 at 1-888-795-6111.
Gambling Support BC services are available to residents of British Columbia who are concerned about their own or a loved one’s gambling.
Fold em is a podcast hosted by Adrienne Cossom and her colleagues at Gambling Support BC. Whether you are looking at stopping or scaling back your own gambling or supporting a family member with a problem, this podcast will help you take back control. Hear from gamblers who have been through it and get tips from counsellors. Fold em is funded by Gambling Support BC.
To learn more about gambling concerns and how to access resources and support, go to the home page of this website, click on the red “Learn More” button below, or connect with us through Facebook.