Ep.70 - What it Takes to Stop Gambling: Accountability Partners
Abe stayed away from gambling for eighteen years after getting into problems with it as a young adult. After a divorce, he started gambling again and was able to stop for periods of time, but then would get pulled in again. He knew his triggers (pay days, feeling lonely and bored on weekends, grief and loss) and attended meetings. He knew he was letting people down and felt horrible about the gambling relapses. Abe often asked himself, “why can’t I get it?” Sound familiar?
In the spring of 2023, Abe was determined to find a way to stop and stay stopped. In episode 70 of our podcast, Fold em: Help for Gambling Problems, Abe tells us what he is doing differently this time that has helped him to be eight months free of gambling and feeling on more solid ground with staying away.
This is our third of four episodes of Fold em, in which we focus on how to stop gambling and have it stick long-term. Making a decision to stop when gambling is out of control is challenging. Keeping it going and preventing a relapse requires a whole different set of skills and knowledge. Fortunately, we have people such as Abe who has learned from experience to guide you through this. We also hear from Allison Rice, who works as a counsellor with Gambling Support BC and brings twenty years of experience with helping people overcome addiction.
Listen to episode 70 and learn about:
Key ingredients for staying away from gambling for good
The importance of having an accountability partner and how to arrange this for yourself
Why having a personal recovery plan will make staying away from gambling easier
Listen now to episode 70 of Fold em by clicking on the green play button at the top of the blog.
If you prefer to tune in directly from Apple Podcasts or Google Podcasts, click on the red “Listen and Subscribe” button below.
When you have people working with you to watch out for signs of risk for relapse, it will be much easier to stay away long-term
How to Stop Gambling and Stay Stopped: A Quick Review of the Basic Ingredients
It’s common that it will take a number of tries before you are able to stop gambling and stay stopped. Often those early attempts involve doing it on your own and promising yourself and others that you’ll stop. Then, after gambling again, you may try counselling, a support group or self-exclusion. Perhaps there is a stretch of time away and then gambling starts again with thoughts of “I can control it this time.” But eventually you find it’s out of hand again. This often leads people to a place where they are willing to do things differently and get more guidance.
Allison Rice, who has worked with many individuals and their families to overcome addiction, tells us in Episode 70 of Fold em, that it takes courage, humility and perseverance to overcome gambling issues. We also hear from Abe, who shares that after repeatedly getting pulled back into gambling, he had to conquer his pride and open up more to his support people.
Here’s what Abe and Allison tells us works to stop gambling and stay stopped:
No More Dealing With it On Your Own: Abe reconnected with a counsellor, signed up for a workshop, started attending recovery meetings regularly and opened up to a friend about the gambling relapses.
Being Willing to Try Something Different: When his counsellor suggested a workshop about making a personal recovery plan, Abe agreed. When at the workshop he was encouraged to find an accountability partner, he decided to give it a try.
Being Honest: Abe decided that he had to be totally honest with selected people who support his recovery. He told a friend who understands addiction about the relapses and what puts him at risk for relapses.
Commitment: Abe committed to attending a couple of recovery meetings each week. One of these was on a Friday night, which had been a predictable time when he would be triggered to gamble. He says that he has made the Friday night meeting non-negotiable. Even if he doesn’t feel like going, he shows up.
Predict and Prepare for the Problem Coming Back: Abe knew how gambling had pulled him in before. His triggers were pay days, weekends, feeling boredom and lonely, and experiencing grief and loss. This time, he and his accountability partner made plans to keep him on track in these risky situations.
How to Stop Gambling and Stay Stopped: Work With an Accountability Partner
Abe knew he had to find a way to protect himself from further gambling. As a result, there were a couple of things he did differently that have proven to be really helpful for him. First, he was “totally honest” with a friend who understands addiction. He told this friend about what led him back to gambling in the past. Second, he and this friend developed plans to help keep him safe in situations where he is at risk for relapse. For example, since weekends were when he would typically gamble, the plan included going to a recovery meeting on Friday night and then breakfast plans on Saturday mornings with other people in recovery. Third, they agreed to text each other daily to check-in about how each is doing. If one of them is having a hard time, they follow-up more quickly.
Allison Rice suggests that having an accountabilty partner who you can connect with in real time (as struggles are coming up) is a piece of the puzzle that often gets missed when stopping gambling. She recommends that an accountability partner is someone who knows about gambling issues or addiction. They will understand the trickiness of this issue and be more likely to “see through the smoke” of addiction.
Here’s what Allison and Abe explain are the benefits of having an accountability partner:
More Eyes Watching out for Signs of Relapse: Since you may not see when you are at risk for slipping back, it helps to have more than one set of eyes watching out for this
Real-Time Support: Having someone you can connect with as you are in the midst of a struggle helps. Talking (or texting) often provides relief and you’ll be less likely to escape into gambling.
Helping Helps the Helper: Your accountability partner will likely also benefit from helping you. Abe and his accountability partner help each other mutually.
Personalized Recovery Planning: While there are common and predictable ways that gambling pulls people in, you will have your unique vulnerabilities. Working with someone to notice this, watch out for it, and amend plans as you go along, helps to make a solid plan for you.
Relief: Rather than white knuckling it through triggers or living with the uncertainty of whether you will have a relapse, having a plan to handle risky situations and reliable support will likely help you feel at ease.
What if I don’t have an accountability partner? Draw upon your creativity and commitment. Through Gamblers Anonymous, you often are able to connect with a sponsor. This is a great way to build in accountability and support. Even if you attend online meetings, sponsors can still be available. If you haven’t yet attended a meeting or group, give it a try and find a group that is a good fit for you. Often you can ask the group members to watch out for certain signs that indicate you are struggling and at risk.
Or, like Abe, think about friends or people in your network who know something about addiction and that you could approach. Abe has learned that it is important to not just rely on one person. Think about building connections with a number of people who support your recovery.
A final option is to connect with a counsellor. Counselling may not continue long-term but a counsellor can work with you in the beginning and often reconnect as you need it.
To hear more from Abe and Allison about what works when you want to stop gambling and stay stopped, listen to episode 70 of Fold em. Listen now by clicking on the green play button at the top of this blog or the red Listen Now to Fold em button at the bottom.
What Support is Available to Help With Gambling Concerns?
Gambling Support BC
If you live in British Columbia, you can connect with Gambling Outreach Support anytime. To do so, click on the red “Connect with Support in BC” button below. Or, go to the Gambling Support BC website. You can also access these services through the Gambling Support Line. It is available 24/7 at 1-888-795-6111.
Gambling Support BC services are available to any British Columbia resident experiencing problems from gambling, including spouses and family impacted by a loved one’s gambling. For those who gamble, you don’t need to stop or quit gambling or be self-excluded to access these free supports.
Our counselling and outreach services can help you figure out how to manage gambling concerns, including how to control or stop gambling. You decide what will work for you.
You can talk to an outreach support person about next steps for yourself if you aren’t wanting counselling. They can help you find self-help resources or local community resources and make a plan that meets you where you are at.
If You Have Concerns About Your Own Gambling - Help Outside of British Columbia
Canada: www.gamblingguidelines.ca/getting-help
United States: National Council on Problem Gambling
United Kingdom: GamCare
Australia: Gamblers’ Help
If you live outside of these countries, search online for “Gambling Help” in your country
Online Support and Meetings:
GamTalk (online chat forum)
To learn more about gambling concerns and how to access resources and support, go to the home page of this website, click on the red “Learn More” button below, or connect with us through Facebook.
Fold em is funded by Gambling Support BC.
We welcome your feedback and ideas for topics for upcoming episodes. Reach out through the Contact Us page on this website or through email at Foldempodcast@gmail.com.