Ep. 69 - What it Takes to Stop Gambling: Predict and Prepare for Trip Ups
After struggling with gambling, Shane was able to stop in 2010 and stay away for a year. When travelling outside of the province where he was self-excluded, he got pulled into gambling again. As happens with many others, this led him back to problemmatic gambling, which unfortunately lasted for the next twelve years. Shane took a hard look at the impact of gambling on his life on Christmas Day 2022 and decided do some things differently. This time, he wanted to shut the door firmly on gambling. Shane has now had eight months away from gambling. He shares with us what helped him to get there.
In episode 69 of our podcast, Fold em: Help for Gambling Problems, we continue to focus on how to stop gambling over the long-term. Making a decision to stop when gambling is out of control is challenging. Keeping it going and preventing a relapse requires a whole different set of skills and knowledge. Fortunately, we have people such as Shane who have learned from experience to guide you through this. We also hear from Allison Rice, who works as a counsellor with Gambling Support BC and brings twenty years of experience with helping people overcome addiction.
Listen to episode 69 and learn about:
Common and predictable ways people get pulled back into gambling again after deciding to stop
How to identify the particular signs that you are vulnerable to a relapse
How to notice all the tricky thoughts that can keep you hooked into gambling, even after you promised yourself to stop
Listen now to episode 69 of Fold em by clicking on the green play button at the top of the blog.
If you prefer to tune in directly from Apple Podcasts or Google Podcasts, click on the red “Listen and Subscribe” button below.
Expect that gambling will try to trip you up.
This will keep you safer and more set up for success.
How to Stop Gambling and Stay Stopped: Know All the Predictable Ways it Will Trip You Up Again
An important lesson from Shane’s experience (as well as Georgete who joined us in the previous episode) is that there is a lot at stake with a gambling relapse. For both of them, a relapse led to twelve more years of struggling with gambling. If this was to happen to you, what would that be like for you and the people around you?
A lot is at stake when people get pulled back into gambling. We know this because:
with problem gambling, once it starts again it’s really hard to stop
even if you win, it’s tough to walk away (typically those winnings go back into gambling)
when gambling starts again, it’s challenging to let people know, so you will likely pull back from counselling, groups and people who were supporting you to stop … which keeps the gambling going
A common mistake when stopping gambling is to believe that you will never go back again. Allison Rice, who has worked with many individuals and their families to overcome addiction, tells us in Episode 69 of Fold em, to “expect that it will try to come back. This will keep you safer and more set up for success.
That might seem ridiculous to expect a relapse as you’re trying to stop. However, it’s all about being realistically prepared. As a comparison, one of the reasons earthquakes are so destructive is because they catch us off guard. With hurricanes, on the other hand, we typically get a warning from the weather forecasters so we can prepare, protect ourselves and often avoid harm. With gambling, the more prepared we are for a gambling storm, the better we can handle it.
Here’s what Allison and Shane tell us are some predictable ways that gambling will try to trip you up:
After the crisis of a gambling problem has settled, memories of how bad it was will get blurry.
There will be thoughts in your mind trying to rationalize or justify gambling, or bargaining to keep it in your life. For example, Shane said that after a year of no gambling he had thoughts such as, “I’m good. I’m strong. I can go into a casino and not gamble.”
If you gamble, you may initially be able to control it, but eventually the same momentum will likely take hold of chasing losses and not able to walk away after a win.
It is really difficult to tell your support people that you are gambling or having thoughts of gambling because you don’t want to upset them again.
Gambling will create fantasies in your mind that a win is around the corner and will make everything better. It also creates a fantasty that facing problems and stresses is hard (harder than it actually is) and so it’s best to escape into gambling.
It’s also predictable that after attending counselling, groups and meetings for a period of time, working with support people to limit access to money, and having self-exclusion in place, that there will be thoughts such as, “I don’t need this anymore.” It will be tempting to drop all those practices that were keeping you on track.
Shane tells us that since stopping gambling eight months ago, he has been training his mind to catch the tricky ways that gambling tries to trip him up. He knows this is to be expected and is also training himself to tell support people about it. This helps him to get it out of his head. Shane has also been building in other habits that help him to redirect his thinking, such as reading, gaming (not gambling games) and getting outside. He tells us that it’s not easy, but he’s making slow, steady progress.
How to Stop Gambling and Stay Stopped: Identify the Particular Ways You Will Get Tripped Up
There are common ways that gambling either stays in your mind or hooks you back in. We’ve listed these above and suggested that you work on recognizing these when they show up and talking about it with someone who knows about this issue. The other thing to watch out for are the particular ways that you are vulnerable for a relapse. For example, Shane tells us that he had challenging dynamics with his family members who gamble. When they gambled or talked about it with him, it would often trigger thoughts in him such as, “It’s ok for them to gamble, so why can’t I?” Taking a trip with family members in which they were gambling was one factor that led to his gambling relapse.
Allison Rice suggests that an important part of a relapse prevention or recovery plan is to look at your previous history with getting pulled back into gambling after you had decided to stop or take a break. Study what led to you starting to gamble again.
When looking at your history with getting pulled back into gambling, take a look at:
situations and people that lead you back to gambling
your mood (e.g. depression, anxiety) and emotional state (e.g. grief, happiness, anger)
your health and physical states, (e.g. when experiencing pain, stress, boredom or restlessness)
your mindset, (e.g. what thoughts or ideas do you have that keep the possibility of gambling alive in your mind)
your access to gambling, (e.g. when would you have access to money or gambling)
your ideas about maintaining recovery support and help, (e.g. are you accessing support for someone else? are you thinking that you can manage this on your own or that it’s a quick fix?)
Everyone will have difficult dynamics in their life that could allow gambling to maintain a foot in the door or open it up again. It often is the case that you may be blind to seeing this for yourself, so it helps to talk it through with someone and listen to other’s stories of relapse. Once you have identified what puts you at risk for a relapse, figure out how to protect yourself. For example, Shane tells us that he now lets his family know that he will excuse himself when there is talk about gambling and that he won’t be joining them when they gamble.
Another helpful step is to let your support people know about what puts you at risk for a relapse and coach them on how they should respond when they see signs of this. We’ll be talking about that more in the next episode.
To hear more from Shane and Allison about what works when you want to stop gambling and stay stopped, listen to episode 69 of Fold em. Listen now by clicking on the green play button at the top of this blog or the red Listen Now to Fold em button at the bottom.
What Support is Available to Help With Gambling Concerns?
Gambling Support BC
If you live in British Columbia, you can connect with Gambling Outreach Support anytime. To do so, click on the red “Connect with Support in BC” button below. Or, go to the Gambling Support BC website. You can also access these services through the Gambling Support Line. It is available 24/7 at 1-888-795-6111.
Gambling Support BC services are available to any British Columbia resident experiencing problems from gambling, including spouses and family impacted by a loved one’s gambling. For those who gamble, you don’t need to stop or quit gambling or be self-excluded to access these free supports.
Our counselling and outreach services can help you figure out how to manage gambling concerns, including how to control or stop gambling. You decide what will work for you.
You can talk to an outreach support person about next steps for yourself if you aren’t wanting counselling. They can help you find self-help resources or local community resources and make a plan that meets you where you are at.
If You Have Concerns About Your Own Gambling - Help Outside of British Columbia
Canada: www.gamblingguidelines.ca/getting-help
United States: National Council on Problem Gambling
United Kingdom: GamCare
Australia: Gamblers’ Help
If you live outside of these countries, search online for “Gambling Help” in your country
Online Support and Meetings:
GamTalk (online chat forum)
To learn more about gambling concerns and how to access resources and support, go to the home page of this website, click on the red “Learn More” button below, or connect with us through Facebook.
Fold em is funded by Gambling Support BC.
We welcome your feedback and ideas for topics for upcoming episodes. Reach out through the Contact Us page on this website or through email at Foldempodcast@gmail.com.