Ep. 85 - I’m Sick And Tired Of Gambling: Now What?
“The reason I stopped gambling, after all those losses, was because I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I might not have been financially bankrupt but I was spiritually bankrupt.”
Looking back, Chris says, “I was always competitive to the core. I loved the feeling of playing a game and winning.” When he was a teen, he had various experiences with gambling - through a family game of poker or going to a dog track. With money on the line, he says, “the rush I received from a win was unlike anything I’ve ever had before .. and I continually tried to chase that high.” When he was old enough to legally gamble, Chris started going to the casino, mostly with friends. He found it hard to stop, especially if alcohol was involved. But there were often checks that kept it in control, such as his friends saying, “it’s time to go.” When online gambling became more available in the United States, he played on his phone for long stretches and found ways to access more credit. Any of this sound familiar?
Many, many people have found that gambling hooks them in, particularly online gambling. They tend to keep it private as it becomes more and more consuming. At this point, stress, anxiety and irritability rises. Often people try to gamble their way out, telling themselves, “when I win back what I’ve lost, then I’ll stop.”
Chris joined this episode of Fold em to share his experiences with gambling because he wanted listeners to know they are not alone. He talks about the bumpy road of pulling back from gambling and how, unlike stopping alcohol and drugs, he wasn’t able to stop gambling “cold turkey” on his own. What worked for him (as with most people) is saying to himself, “enough is enough” and then getting support and guidance from people who understand this issue and know what to do about it. As of July 2024, Chris has been four years gambling free. He shares what worked for him to stop gambling and stay stopped.
Listen to episode 85 and hear:
Why gambling gets out of control
What helped Chris to pull back from gambling and stay away
How to connect with Chris and other people who understand and are willing to help
LISTEN to EPISODE 85
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Why Me? Why Can’t I Control Gambling?
There have been previous episodes of Fold em where we talk about the causes of gambling problems. Chris does a great job at the start of this interview, explaining what contributed to gambling getting out of control for him. He’s come to know this by being honest with himself and spending many hours talking to others, including sponsors as well as people at online meetings and a rehab program he attended. Chris wanted to better understand gambling addiction and the brain and did his own research on these topics on his own and while doing graduate studies in Psychology. From all of this experience and looking into things, he’s well suited to explain gambling problems.
Here’s what Chris tells us contributed to his gambling addiction:
Personal Characteristics: Chris says that he has always been highly competitive and got a huge thrill from winning, especially when money is on the line. Being highly competitive, impulsive and a risk taker can lead people to gamble more and more.
Chasing the High: For Chris, the thrill of his first big gambling wins was unlike anything he had experienced before. He sees now that he was high on Dopamine, a chemical in our brains that is released when we do something that feels good. As you gamble more, the brain changes. It becomes harder to stop and you need to gamble more and/or with higher stakes to get the same thrill.
Ego: Chris says that in his early days of gambling he “felt like a big shot after a gambling win.” It felt great to “make money off of something I didn’t have to work for.” This mentality convinced him he could be successful at gambling. His ego also drove him to try and win back losses.
Everyone Else is Doing It: All of Chris’ friends were gambling. He says, “it was the norm and part of our culture.” Chris also grew up in a family where he was exposed to gambling, whether making penny bets on cards or going to a racetrack. Being introduced to gambling at an early age and encouraged to gamble by friends or advertisements creates risk for gambling problems.
Depression, Grief, Isolation: Looking back, Chris realizes he didn’t deal really grieve when his Mom died in his early twenties. It got pushed aside. Gambling (and drinking and drugs) became a way to “escape” and not think about it. And, as he turned to this more, depression and isolation increased … which led to more gambling and substance use .. and so on. It’s a tough cycle.
Online Gambling: When Chris started gambling online, he noticed how much faster it was than casino gambling. He could grab his phone easily and start to play, make deposits quickly, and the bets moved fast. Those who are at risk for gambling problems, often move online. And, as they play more, the problems increase.
Turning it Around
Chris tells us that when he decided to stop drinking and using drugs, he was able to do it “cold turkey” and on his own. He assumed it would be the same with gambling. But, it didn’t turn out that way. After trying a Gamblers Anonymous meeting, he convinced himself that it “wasn’t going to work for me” and pulled away. He stayed off the bet for a total of nine months, but then started online gambling again.
Many people try to step away on their own (betting less or stopping for a day or a month) and find themselves slipping back into problem gambling. Often, with these relapses, the gambling harms get worse over time.
The message that Chris offers listeners is to keep at it - recognize that what you’ve been doing on your own isn’t working and be willing to get help and try something different.
Here’s what Chris tells us helped him to reach four years bet free:
Wanting to Get My Life Under Control: Although he told himself that he was stopping because he hit a financial rock bottom, Chris says that the reality was that he was emotionally and spiritually sick and tired. He was honest with himself about this and wanted things to change.
Being Open and Willing: As he attended a rehab program, Chris told himself to be “open minded” and “give it all a try.” He was paying for this program and wanted it to work. Bringing an open mind will help.
Connecting With Others: Chris was surprised as he tried online groups to discover the “humanity” in people - that other group members wanted to help without anything in return. He also realized that although there were differences in age and backgrounds, there was one thing they shared in common - having struggled with gambling. It felt good to be understood.
Learning About Gambling Addiction and Recovery: Chris said that he really liked the Cognitive Behavior Therapy he experienced in rehab because it helped him to understand his thinking and behavior patterns. Later, he connected to SMART Recovery and liked their research based tools. As he connected more to GA and AA, Chris says he has learned a lot from the literature, 12-Step Work and his sponsors.
In a follow-up email after the interview for Fold em, Chris tells us that as of Sept 2, 2024 he has had 1,500 days of clean time away from gambling. What he knows is that “if you work it, it works” and so he continues to attend online meetings, work with a sponsor for a couple of hours each week, and read literature from Alcoholics Anonymous and Gamblers Anonymous. Being a part of an online recovery community, is extremely important to him so he facilitates a few meetings each week through Recovery Road Online, including the SMART-themed meeting for compulsive gamblers. Finally, he has started to implement meditation and spirituality into his life and take care of his physical health through diet and exercise. Chris says that this has helped him to think more clearly.
Chris tells us he has written to many compulsive gamblers from around the world via email and would be happy to connect with others. He offered his email address and encourages people to reach out to him at chris12steps@gmail.com.
To hear more from Chris and his experiences with gambling and stopping gambling, listen to episode 85 of Fold em. Listen now by clicking on the green play button at the top of this blog or the red Listen Now to Fold em button at the bottom.
Related Fold em Episodes
Many others have shared their stories and learnings on Fold em. You are not alone and there is a way forward from gambling problems. To hear more, you can listen to Bryce, Tony and Jade in episodes 16, 17 and 19 of Fold em by clicking on the play buttons below.
What Support is Available to Help With Gambling Concerns?
To learn more about gambling concerns and how to access resources and support, go to the home page of this website or listen to other episodes of Fold em.
Fold em is funded by Gambling Support BC.
We welcome your feedback and ideas for topics for upcoming episodes. Reach out through the Contact Us page on this website or through email at Foldempodcast@gmail.com.
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