Ep. 77 - Good Grief: Don’t Let Gambling Take You Out
“Grief used to be a community experience. Now people are left alone with their sadness and gambling provides a way to numb out.”
Experiencing grief and loss is hard enough. But, when grief leads to gambling problems, it gets harder.
Grief (like other big stressors) can create risk for gambling getting out of control. It can also lead you towards relapse if you previously stopped gambling. Keep reading and listen to this episode to hear ideas and inspiration for moving forward.
In this episode of Fold em, we hear from Sam about her experiences with grief and problem gambling and what has helped her with both issues. Heidi Furrer, a counsellor with Gambling Support BC who facilitates a workshop for people struggling with grief and gambling problems, offers ideas for getting on solid footing again.
Listen to episode 77 and hear about:
Why grief and loss can trigger gambling problems
How to cope with both grief and problem gambling
The benefits of continuing to stay connected to a loved one who has died
LISTEN to EPISODE 77
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Why Grief and Loss Can Lead to Gambling Problems
If you’ve always gambled for fun, why has grief triggered you to gamble more and in secret? If you stopped gambling in the past, why did grief bring you back to it?
Grief and Loss Can Change How you Gamble.
Grief (like stress) can bring up strong emotions and fill your mind with difficult memories and thoughts. Gambling can provide a way to numb out temporarily and maybe even get a lift of excitement or positive feelings.
After the crisis of a loss has passed, there can be an expectation that you “get back to it” and “move on.” For some, grief carries on despite having to get back to normal routines. The strain of coping with and often hiding your struggles, can lead some to gamble more.
We know that alcohol and drugs are addictive, but there isn’t the same awareness about gambling. It’s understandable that someone may not know that gambling in times of stress can become a compulsive and problemmatic habit.
As gambling increases, it can be hard to stop. When there are financial losses and secrets, feelings of embarrassment can hold you back from asking for help. You might feel like you need gambling in your life to cope and/or the only solution is to keep at it until your next big win.
What To Do if You Are Struggling With Grief and Gambling
In this episode of Fold em, Heidi Furrer tells us that many of us are left alone with the sadness of grief. We aren’t provided with a “guidebook” on how to grieve and it’s an awkward issue in our society. Sam shares that workplaces only give a few days of leave from work (at best) and then we are expected to get back at it. After the death of her Mom, a few days leave wasn’t enough, but she had to get back to her responsibilities and push the grief aside. Looking back, she also realizes she needed more tools to cope with hard emotions and let people know she’s struggling.
Here’s suggestions from Heidi and Sam about steps to take if you are dealing with grief and gambling problems:
Open Up: Both grief and problem gambling can lead to isolation and keeping thoughts and feelings inside. Although it may seem too painful to open up, finding the right way to do this typically brings relief. Start with writing about or drawing your feelings. Speak to a doctor, pastor or a friend. Or, call a Gambling Support Line.
Patience and Acceptance: Grief isn’t the same for everyone and it doesn’t typically move forward in a straight line. Addressing gambling issues can also be one step forward and one step back. It’s ok to be struggling in different ways and that things can feel up and down and carry on longer than expected. Bring patience and kindness to yourself as you would with others.
Get Support: Many of us hold on to the idea that “problems are best dealt with on your own.” For many things this works, but grief and gambling problems can be more complicated and need some guidance from people who understand and know about this issue. Options for finding help with gambling issues are below.
Remember: For many of us, it feels comforting to remember and honour loved ones who have passed. It can feel good to imagine that person supporting you as you go through the day. It can also bring relief to talk about your loved ones with people who understand. Finding ways to stay connected, value the relationship you had with them, and share memories can provide a path forward through grief. For more information on Re-membering Approaches to Grief, see the links below.
What Resources are Available to Help With Grief?
To hear more tips from Heidi about coping with gambling problems and grief as well as Sam’s personal story with these issues, listen to episode 77 of Fold em. Listen now by clicking on the green play button at the top of this blog.
Here’s links for other online resources for coping with grief:
Re-membering Practices (Lorraine Hedtke)
Wellness Together Canada (written information and 24/7 phone and text support in Canada)
My Grief Angels (online support)
What Support is Available to Help With Gambling Concerns?
To learn more about gambling concerns and how to access resources and support, go to the home page of this website or check out other episodes of Fold em.
Fold em is funded by Gambling Support BC.
We welcome your feedback and ideas for topics for upcoming episodes. Reach out through the Contact Us page on this website or through email at Foldempodcast@gmail.com.
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